The Triforce of Communication: (What is the goal of your communication?)

1. Just want to share and be heard

2. Seeking sympathy, comfort, praise, or celebration

3. Trying to solve a problem, seeking help or advice

   Remember to H.A.L.T. if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (or drunk). Take a break, take care of that, and then return to the Check-In.

Use Non-Violent Communication (NVC) when discussing challenging topics:

1. State an observation of what happened, free of interpretation, accusation, or spin.

2. Express your feelings without applying any story about something that was done to you by others.

3. Say what it is you need.

4. Make a request that is not a demand or your ultimatum. Your partner should feel free to say either “yes” or “no”, or to negotiate the request.

Treat your partner with Compassion and Empathy. This is a safe space to discuss triumphs and disappointments, intense gratitude and sadness. Remember that we’re here because we want our relationship to be the best it can possibly be. Before starting, get out your calendars and schedule the next Check-In.

Here are some key terms to know:

• Partnership: A team of people working together. For example, in a family, the parents work together as partners.

• Operations: The tasks needed to keep things running. Paying bills is an example of operations.

• Connection: How people feel about each other. Feeling close to someone is a connection.

• Communication: How people share their thoughts and feelings. Talking to each other is communication.

Read the following text carefully. You will use it to complete the tasks that follow.

The Two-Check-In System

To manage a successful partnership, try the Two-RADAR system. It splits conversations into two types: Operations and Connection. This helps keep things clear and focused.

Check-In #1: The Business of a Relationship

This is about money, work, kids, and plans. Set a timer for 60 minutes. Follow these steps:

Review (10 minutes):

Look back at the last month. What was done? What was paid? What was missed? Review the past month. What commitments were completed? What bills were paid? What fell behind? What worked well? What created stress? No deep processing. Just facts.

Agree on the Agenda (5 minutes):

Pick what to talk about. Bills, work, kids, and events are all possible. Quickly confirm what must be covered: Bills & budget Savings/debt Household labor Childcare/school logistics Scheduling Upcoming events Maintenance or repairs Stick to what is truly relevant this month.

Discuss (30 minutes):

Talk about each topic. Who does what? Is it fair? Move category by category.

• Finances

  • Income updates

  • Expenses

  • Bill assignments

  • Budget shifts

  • Upcoming large purchases

  • Long-term planning

  • Clarify:

    • Who owns what task?

    • Is the load equitable?

• Household & Mental Load

  • Cleaning

  • Cooking

  • Planning

  • Scheduling

  • Invisible labor

  • Outsourcing needs

  • If resentment is surfacing, note it and save it for Connection Check-In.

• Parenting

  • Behavioral concerns

  • Schedule alignment

  • Discipline values

  • Emotional climate at home

  • Support needs

Action Points (10 minutes):

Write down what each person will do. Be clear and set a time. Every agreement must be: Specific Assigned Time-bound Example: “Chris will automate the electric bill by Friday.” “Jordan will schedule the pediatric appointment by Tuesday.” Write them down. Schedule the next Operations Check-In.

Reconnect (5 minutes):

Say one thing you like about how your partner helps. Say one thing that feels better now.

Check-In #2: Connection and Intimacy

This is about feelings and closeness. Set a 60-minute timer. Try to have soft lighting and no phones. Follow these steps:

Review (10 minutes):

• Think about how you felt this month.

• When did you feel close?

• When did you feel far?

• Reflect on the emotional climate of the relationship.

• When did you feel closest this month?

• When did you feel distant?

• Where did we repair well?

• Where did something linger?

• Listener reflects back what they heard. Switch roles.

Agree on Emotional Agenda (5 minutes):

Pick 1-3 topics to talk about. What needs space tonight?

Examples:

• A conflict that still feels unresolved

• Intimacy changes

• Feeling unseen

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Desire for more connection

• Sexual rhythm

Discuss (30 minutes):

For each topic, share what happened, what you felt, and what you needed. Use this structure for each topic:

1. What happened (without accusation).

2. What I felt.

3. What I needed.

4. What I’m requesting moving forward. Partner reflects back before responding. If defensiveness rises: Pause. Breathe. Reset.

Action or Alignment (10 minutes):

Decide if something needs to be fixed. Does someone need reassurance?

Decide:

• Is there a repair needed?

• Is there a behavioral shift?

• Is there a reassurance that needs repeating?

• Is this something to revisit next month?

• Not everything needs fixing. Sometimes it just needs witnessing.

Reconnect (5 minutes):

Each person shares:

• One appreciation.

• One thing you admire.

• One thing you’re choosing about this relationship.

• Seal with 30-second hug